Matthew McConaughey vs. Jen Lopez: the lame poster battle

Smiley boy/girl posters are biggest Hollywood cliche and are typical for romantic movies. And they are quite useful. They immediately let you know what entertainment you're in for - so you can avoid it in time. Some actors have made more of such movies/posters than others. I'm talking of course about J. Lo and Matthew McConaughey. They are both champions of super lame romantic comedies and neither seen much evolution over last 10 years - both as actors and in their choice of films. But who is lamest ?

"Back-up Plan" (2010). I don't seem to recognize the dude, but J. Lo is meant to play this new-age lady who has not faith in modern men and therefore gets artificially inseminated ... and meets appropriate father for the baby right away. Is this meant as a tip for all the Single Ladies?

"Fool's Gold" (2008). Don't know about gold in this movie - but certainly no shortage of fools here. McConaughey and Hudson in their second movie - digging for gold mostly half-naked (as I can judge by the poster), thus pleasing both male and female viewers.

"Gigli" (2003). The film shot in the heat of Affleck/Lopez much publicized romance. There was a lot of talk about how Lo was never happy about the look of her precious butt on the poster - first she wanted it bigger, then smaller. Then the movie came out ... and well all I know it has about 2 stars on imdb.com - same as Paris Hilton movies. Enough said

"How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (2003). First McConaughey/Hudson movie. Probably works as a date flick but still - idiotic all the way through. The two meet - the girl tries her best to make the guy dump her fast but the guy proves a die-hard: both are faking and acting awfully.

"Maid in Manhattan" (2002). This sugary sweet poster is clearly suggesting an old-as-time Cinderella story - leaving nothing to imagination. Why would you even bother watching if you can see the ending on the DVD cover?

"Failure to Launch" (2006). Here Sarah Jessica tried to step away from being Carrie Bradshaw type - epic fail. Moreover she's again struggling with a man (as the picture shows) - you'd think she had enough after six seasons. And McConaughey - usually he's too lazy to act, now he's even too lazy to stand up.

I believe it's a tie! Those two even made a movie and a LAME POSTER together!

"The Wedding Planner" (2001). Lopez is wedding planner for McConaughey who's getting married to a silly blonde, but surely busty Latina won't let him go through with it. Looks like Lopez practiced making a dreamy face here - to get it right for "Maid" next year. It was still a few years before the focus shifted to her poking butt. And Mat is wearing glasses to look more serious. Fail - still an idiot.

"A Serious Man"

The Coen bros sure know how to surprise even their most dedicated viewers. For instance, by alternating real masterpieces with earnestly trashy flicks – just look at Oscar-winning “No Country for Old Men” and the ridiculous “Burn After Reading.” I mean yeah, Pitt was a hilarious idiot in it, but seriously, it wasn't a real movie.

“A Serious Man” is a masterpiece of a different nature – the kind that won’t be appreciated by many, and destined to become a box-office disaster. But it seems to bother anyone but the Coens who stubbornly tell just the kind of stories they wish to tell. While they seem to take each of their movies quite personally, “A Serious Man” must be especially close to their hearts since it is set in suburban Minnesota in the 1960s – exactly when and where Ethan and Joel grew up as children of Jewish academics.

However, it’s in no way a childhood nostalgia story a la Woody Allen’s “Radio Days.” Quite the contrary. It’s a spiritual and difficult dark comedy that’s not headed towards a positive denouement. The plot revolves around physics professor Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), whose mundane life is suddenly disrupted by a series of unpleasant events.

His wife announces she’s leaving him for another - a digusting sleeze but "a serious man" - and wants a ritual Jewish divorce. Someone starts writing unsigned letters to the dean threatening Gopnik's tenure. An Asian student offers him a bribe for a better grade. His unemployed brother is couch-surfing in his house and that’s just a half of what’s eating Gopnik.In a perfectly Kafkaesque fashion things for Gopnik go from normal to bad, then worse, and worse...

As his problems seem to compound by the day, Larry, an orthodox Jew, turns to several rabbis searching for answers and a hidden meaning to all that’s happening to him. But here comes a final blow to Gopnik's faith - rabbis have absolutely nothing to offer him. Pointless truisms and apocryphal fables that have no actual meaning don't help.

When the oldest and wisest rabbi opens his mouth to speak at long last, he says: “When the truth is found to be lies, and all the joy within you dies, don’t you want somebody to love.” In the end, Jefferson Airplane all-time hit not only serves as the central soundtrack for “A Serious Man” but also pretty much sums it up.

"Alice in Wonderland"

Logically, the most passionate viewers of Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” will be the fans of Burton, Johnny Depp and Lewis Carroll. However, while the first two elements do live up to expectations, the third one certainly doesn’t. In fact, I would highly not recommend anyone to reread either of the original “Alice” books before watching the movie. Because truth be told, there is just as much Carroll in Burton’s “Wonderland” as there is Conan Doyle in Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes.”

A curly blonde Alice Kingsley – eight years after her Wonderland adventure – is being forced to marry a young lord so obnoxious, that hardly anyone could reproach her for not wanting to have him. Taking time “to think,” she runs off, and … follows a white rabbit to a hole in the ground. For a bit the plot goes on just like the original. Up to the moment when Alice walks into a talking flower garden. First she gets to meet many of the famed Wonderland characters all at once, next she’s being chased by a monster dog, and has to do a lot of running and hiding.

Soon enough Alice runs into Mad Hatter – Depp in his most extreme makeup yet. As one of the story's centerpieces, Hatter takes up a lot of screen time which is a real treat. Others – vile Red Queen (Helena Bohnem-Carter) with a hydro-cephalic head, Crispin Glover’s Black Knight, Tweedldee and Tweedledum, the nutty Mad Hare, and of course, the toothy Cheshire Cat – keep him good company. But you still can’t help asking questions like: “Why just the Queens - where are the Kings?” “Where is good old White Knight?” “And why the Dormouse, famous for her lethargic tendencies, keeps on restlessly running around?” And finally: "Why so serious?"

The original “Alice in Wonderland” was partly a parody of life in Victorian England, partly an intriguing parable wrapped as a children’s fairy-tale, but saturated with double meanings, wordplay and philosophical explorations. “Alice” movie leaves all the sensible “nonsense” completely out, instead focusing on the fairy-tale base, only taking, at times, a dramatically serious approach. Burton’s “Wonderland” and its inhabitants sacrifice their depth for extreme grotesqueness which is delivered generously and in full. The visual part of the film is an impressive piece of work and the cast is perfect. If you can manage to appreciate just that, you can as well enjoy the movie immensely.

What is, nevertheless, deeply disappointing, is that the story is modeled after the most trivial formula of all – the battle of good and evil, with Alice as a messiah whose task it is to save all. Isn't that the most overused plot of all time?

Oscars 2010 winners

The good news of the 82nd Academy Awards was the victory of common sense over 3D hype and insane box office success of "Avatar." It only received visual and technical awards. On the other hand, the win of "Hurt Locker" as Best Film, Best Directing and Best Original Screenplay, looks strictly political - after all the Iraq war theme is still such a hot topic, and there was still no major film done about that.

Jeff Bridges was named Best Actor for what is said to be his best role in "Crazy Heart" (better than Lebowski?? Let's see about that). And Sandra Bullock went from a Worst Actress at Razzies for "All About Steve" (she actually received the "honor" herself) to Best Actress at Oscars for "Blind Side" - in just two days. Good for her! Cristoph Waltz, quite expectedly, added an Oscar to his big bunch of Best Supporting Actor nods for "Inglourious Basterds" which he previously received at Cannes, Golden Globes and most recent BAFTAs.

Indie hit "Precious" received Best Supporting Actress for Mo'Nique and Best Adapted Screenplay. Emotional cartoon "Up" was marked out as Best Animation and for Best Score, and Best Song went to "Crazy Heart."

See a complete list of winners and nominees at imdb.com and a detailed recount of the ceremony with pictures at totalfilm.com.

25 original illustrations inspired by film

Film geeks and design geeks collaborated to present you those 25 pictures/posters based on iconic films. Some works some works are just plain cool, others are strange, but all very imaginative. See the full collection here.

Oscars on the way: "Up"

Nominated for Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen, Best Animated Feature Film of the Year and other awards

Just slightly over ten hours before the Oscars 2010 ceremony, I finally saw one of its favorites as well as most talked about cartoons of the year – “Up.” And yes, I understand how it earned all the praise, even though “Coraline” is still more like my type of cartoon.

“Up” features all the customary elements of a Disney animation – sympathetic heroes bound to prevail over caricature villains, cute and friendly pets, adventures, colorful landscapes, pleasant score and an action-packed third act. What marks it out is outstanding cinematography, charming story and a very moving emotional basis.

Grumpy old man Carl Fredricksen, devastated and lonely after the loss of his wife, devises a way to escape being moved to a retirement home and fulfill his and his late wife’s dream - take an adventure trip to Paradise Falls (somewhere in South America). He ties a mass of multi-colored balloons to his roof and takes off, soon to discover, that a chubby scout kid Russel involuntarily came along for the ride.

Through an incredible stroke of luck, they do end up right next to the Falls, but before Carl can relax in his chair and enjoy the scenery, he and Russel have to deal with a fantastic giant bird, a fluffy dog with a “talking” collar and explorer Charles Muntz – Carl’s childhood hero, living in his flying ship anchored in the wilderness.

Naturally there are plenty of ridiculous moments that only adults would notice: Muntz, who must be at least 20 years older than Carl (who looks at least 65) shows wonders of physical strength (must be wonderful mountain air), not unlike Fredricksen, who alternatively uses his walker for moving around, and then runs, jumps and climbs hanging ladders without any assistance.

In the same time, “Up” should be seen for what it is – a Disney fantasy which lacks real life logic, but offers what many cartoons don’t – a genuine human touch and feelings that both children and adults can connect to.

Razzies winners

So right before Oscars, we get winners of best awards ever - Razzies! Worst picture is "Transofrmes: Revenge of the Fallen" - transformers can only blame bimbo Megan Fox for that I think. Sandra Bullock, who is among the favorites to win an Academy Award today for "Blind Side," was "honored" at Razzies for "All About Steve" (honestly you just need to see its poster to tell the movie was crap).

"Battlefield Earth" is worst film of the decade - to my mind there were much worse, but if you consider Battlefield's ambitions, than yeah, probably right. Poor Eddie Murphy was named worst actor of decade - well, he can only blame his choice of movies.

But what really made my day (so far) is decade's worst actress win for PARIS HILTON. I was one of happy journalists invited to opening of "Pledge This" in Kyiv - I lasted about 15 minutes. "Hottie and the Nottie" was a totally worthy follow-up. Hail Paris!

Go to The Hollywood Reporter for more.